Surah 2:221 says that believing women should not be married to idolaters, while surah 60:10 says that infidels are not lawful for believing women, however it is not clear if in this case the word “infidel” means idolater or non-Muslim. Then there is the Hadith, but that is a totally unfamiliar ground for me. Then the scholars, who believe that a man is by nature strong while the woman is naturally inclined to compromise, therefore the general idea is that a non-Muslim husband will force his Muslim wife away from Islam.

I don’t know, each situation is different.

When I met my husband I was a very vulnerable person, a miserable waitress who had just lost her family, totally on my own and in a foreign country (Italy) while he, an accomplished professional (engineer) was basically the knight in shining armour. However he never took advantage of me, he never tried to convert me to Catholicism, always respected my own views and encouraged me to rediscover my lost faith and to teach Islam to our children, essentially raising them as Muslims.

Like random guy said, it is a paradoxical world!

Peace

Sister Francesca

What an amazing story, it has really touched me.

I am a convert to Islam and after 20 years of marriage and three children i have recently applied for divorce. I am in the process of getting to know a non-Muslim man and i have been doing a bit of research on how Muslim women stand when contemplating marriage outside their faith.

I could be wrong, but i understand that in the Quran there is only specific reference to women not being able to marry polytheists, idolaters and atheists. I think the reasoning is that a man is considered as the head of the household, so a Muslimah could be refrained from practicing her religion or bringing the children up as muslims. Therefore, logic would suggest that if you are going to marry a person belonging to People of the Book, and as long as you remain a muslim, then it it is not haram?

It is indeed a paradoxical world we live in when the people who bring us close to our faith are from outside it. I am glad that you have strength in your beliefs and that your children are also following Islam. It must be difficult to know that a certain degree of acceptance in your community will never be obtained because of your choice of partner. But you should know that there a large number of muslims who would empathise with you and be happy for you.

As to the children, they haven’t been brought up as Muslims but I have taken great care to teach them not only the Quran, but also to respect all religions, however my eldest daughter has recently signalled her intention to be a Muslimah and to wear hijab, with my husband’s blessing. As to the scholars, I contacted one of them online, and when he suggested that I divorce my husband I immediately responded with a string of 4 letters words. How could I divorce the man who has given me everything, my self-esteem, my happiness and my Muslim faith? He said that I would go to hell, and I replied that I had already left teh hell of my first forced marriage.

Sorry to have to say those things which I have kept inside for so long, but I really feel I have to let everyone know that IMHO a marriage is a declaration of love witnessed by Allah, and if a non-Muslim is willing to marry a Sister, to respect her religious sensitivities and to let her follow the way dictated by Allah then there is nothing wrong with the marriage. Peace Sister Francesca

Francesca, I think there is a consensus that Muslim women cannot marry non-Muslim men, although Muslim men can marry chaste women from the People of the Book (Christians and Jews). Do you have a scholar that you can go to for questions?

Of course, there are many non-Muslims who are nice people, and I’m sure your husband is a nice guy. But for a devout Muslim, marriage - like everything else in life - is seen in the context of Islam, and the children should be brought up as Muslims.

A “blind” love with a non-Muslim is not considered a good foundation for an Islamic marriage.

Thanks for your replies. The people you have mentioned all represent different parts of the community. I am not familiar with all of their points of views or actions in the past, but I have heard of them many times. What was your question regading them? Are you asking what my view is on them? I have read quite a few of Salma Yaqoob’s articles on the Guardian (and the inevitable trash talk that follows in the replies) and think she is a very astute and intelligent observer. If you are asking me why I find their view tolerable as opposed to Saira’s, I would respond by saying that the question is not one of how palatable I find their opinions, but rather of the degree of division and misunderstanding their respective comments can cause. In these terms there is an ocean between the two, although one may disagree.

If we avoid questions of legitimacy (i.e. I don’t recall ever selecting these people to speak for me) I suppose that we can at present only judge ‘public’ authorities on Islam as those who have the most exposure in media. Personally, I have never met these people, don’t know what they do, who they are, what their rationale is at the end of the day.

Still it has been an interesting discussion so far. You really made me think about this one and helped me come to some useful insights, so thank you Sister!

With regard to your other question about marriage, please find the following link: -

here

Let me say that I can not tell you what is exactly stated in the Quran, but my understanding of it has always been that a muslim and non-muslim marriage is only acceptable if the non-muslim party crosses into Islam. In practice I tend to find that this is not always followed, but it is not for me to judge another person’s decision. Also, as the link will show, there are a number of different opinions about this.

Can I ask you, Sister, if you do not mind, what your feelings are on this?