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Polygamy literally means "multiple marriages" and thus could refer to polygyny (multiple wives) or polyandry (multiple husbands). Clearly, Islam only permits polygyny and not polyandry.

Although most people understand the word polygamy to mean multiple wives, it could mean multiple husbands as well, so polygyny is more precise.

Assalamu Alaykum,

Have you read Isla Rosser-Owen's article on polygamy? You can find it on the internet. She makes some interesting points.

I think it's a case of giving people an inch and they'll take a mile. Polygyny - and I use the precise term to emphasise the inequality - is completely unsuited to modern Western society, and is rightly banned. Perhaps it had its place in seventh century Arabia, but is out of date now. Of course women don't like it. But in seventh century Arabia - or for that matter among the Mormons much later - what women want or don't want was not considered important.

Whilst Muslims don't treat their wives as the Mormons do, there is another abuse of the the polygny system in Islam. A lot of Salafists/Islamists are serial polgynsts, they marry young, often impressionable young Pakistani girls, use them and then divorce them and move onto the next. There are a string of young divorced Muslim women in Birmingham as a result of this rather obscene practice.

Assalamu alikeum

Mas'ud, its not just 'salafis' who abuse the pologmy system. Honestly i would say the majority of muslim men involved in mutiple marriages have abused the system in some way or another. I've only known of a small number of men who have multiple wives and do what is islamically required and fufil his obligations towards both families. And i know plenty of men who have multiple wives- including my grandad, all my father's brothers, his cousins and many of his friends also. Infact i would say my dad's proabably one of the few men in his circle of many friends/family who have only been married to one woman throught their lifetime. My dad did entertain the idea of pologmy once and my mother told him that he could marry again if he wanted- but that she would no longer be married to him if he did! And she meant it too, lol. That was maybe 15-20 years ago and they're still together alhamdualiah and my mum is the only woman, so i guess she got her way eventually lol.

I dont think its pologmy as such that muslim women dislike so much. Its the way that brothers go about getting their second/theird/fourth wives - often behind their backs and increasingly having extra maritial affairs and liasiaons with those women before they get married. Also the main driving force for many brothers is lust and many many brothers re-marry just to get a young, pretty, unmarried (most likely virgin) bride to fufuil their own egos and lustful intentions (which will no doubt make any women increasly more jealous!). It has nothing to do with helping the ummah or providing a form of social structure which benifits muslims. If that was the case, why dont these brothers marry widows or divorced women, women with orphaned children who are less likely to get re-married due to stupid cultural stigma (the idea of being 2nd hand,'damaged goods')? They brag so much about how pologmy benifited society and how it was sunnah, but when it comes to replicating that, they're nowhere to be found. being widowed, divorced or whatnot, doesnt not equate to nesscarly old or ugly but the weay brothers act you would think that was the case.

Also, brothers ramble on about polygmy being sunnah, but what was the sunnah of the prophet s.a.w? Besides Aisha r.a, all of his wives were either widowed women or divorcees and many were older then him. In a time when wars resulted in a lack of menfolk, the remaining brothers stepped up as a way of keeping families together and making sure that women in such situations (including their kids) did not fall into poverty and disintergrate as a family. The menfolk of today do not do that. Even in countries where the women (due to social circumstances- war, famine, childbirth where males are more likely to die etc..) outnumber the men greatly, many of the men entering pologmy will always, ALWAYS go after younger, 'pretty', 'never been touched sisters'- who lets be honest will not be short of suitors, never the sisters who would proabably benifit from pologmy like those in the times of rasulallah s.a.w. I've said this many times to my own uncles (who all married young virgins as 2nd/3rd wives) and they agreed with my thoughts in general, but obviously what they practised was something else.

I think in general nowadays also, in the west anyways, is very difficult to pay for the upkeep of more then 1 family. Hence why so many men in these marriages in the U.K atleast, put the burdern on the taxpayer by getting them on welfare and the extra wife/wives pretending to be single mums. And with that comes a string of extra lies including having to pretend that their children are illegitimite kids and that mummy has a boyfriend. Some also get all their wives on welfare and thus the brother does nothing in terms of financial upkeeping to any of the wives+kids. It perplexes me because when questioned, they will tell you that they are fufilling their god given right. By how? through fraud, theft and lies. How can one fufil something halal through haram means? Its an oxymoron in itself and that action becomes haram for them because of it. Its like saying, im going to pay zakat, but with the money i made from selling beer. Would that money be counted as zakat? NO!!! Why, because you can commit haram to justify something halal, you wipe out any good deed you had intented and replace it with something bad.

I could talk for ages, beacuse this subject completly riles me up! I feel like sometimes exposing these folk to the DSS and let them get what they deserve, but it would only really be detriment to those sisters and their kids. They'd suffer not the men who do this.

As for me, would i enter a pologymous marriage? No. I wouldn't let my husband neither (not that i got one yet lol) Sisters can call me selfish (yes because thats what sisters get called when they say that they dont want to share their husbands!) but i dont care. My man is just that- MY man! Get your own!

P.S: i might add, i havent got an issue with pologmy in itself, but just as allah s.w.t made it open for brothers to marry more then once, he has also given us the choice as to whether we want to be such marries as well. Its not an obgligation for women to be in polgymous marriages and if they wish to be in monogmous relationships- they can do so and theres nothing wrong with it! But for some reason sisters bascially imply these days that your rejecting the quran in regards to pologmy (and accuse you of kufr) if you decide that you dont want to be in a multiple wife marriage! You're made to feel so guilty as well and i've noticed many sisters now who are pushing down other sisters throats that if if a sisters husband does re-marry, then she must shut up and put up with it, no questions asked- otherwise your a bad muslim woman and likely to go hell!

This also infuriates me too. infact i would say that sisters are almost just as bad as the brothers when it comes to this issue and many sisters stay in uphappy relationship (whether polgymous or not) because of other interfering, fat gobbed, self righteous, stuck up b*****s(will refrain from actual swearing but you can guess what im thinking of!)so- called sisters!

anyways... lol..

Asaalamu Alaikum,

Muslima Gal,

The damage that polygny might do to the reputation of a Muslim woman (and by extension, the wider Muslim community) living in a society where for most people polygamy is not only forbidden but socially unacceptable, is not something I'd thought about. I can definitely see that it would probably not even cross the mind of your average non-Muslim living in the uk that that "islamic woman from down the corridor" is actually married to that guy who occasionally stops by her flat.

Whilst I'm certainly not opposing the decree of Allah and accept that there are successful polyganous marriages, the abuses of it and the amount of hurt that it can do to a woman's self esteem make me think that men should tread very cautiously in this regard.

I often wonder why scholars in talking of societies with an unequal ratio of men and women, such as Kashmir(where it's said to be 7 women to every man)do not mention that, in addition to marriage, widowed women can, and should be supported through sustained charity. I accept however that entering into a marriage means a stronger support network for a vulnerable woman and the possibilty of her physical desires not going unfulfilled. Possibly.

Muslim gal - you make a lot of very good points.

The West has always been opposed to polygyny because polygyny tends to be associated with extremely stratified societies (think of harems).

The Judaism of ancient Israel permitted unlimited polygyny, while the rabbinical Judaism practised by Western Jews does not. Christianity also rejected polygyny at the time that it changed from being a Middle Eastern religion to a Western one. I suspect that Islam too will have to change in this way if it is to be truly accepted in the West.

muslim gal i have to concur with your points and experience, indeed i was lectured by a married man for being selfish and against the sunnah for refusing a polygamous marriage...

Mashallah thank you brother for writing that post. Unfortunately many men treat their wives like this as well, so how much more for another woman outside? Many sisters too look at brothers at the masjid and think wow he is so cool and just so hot...he's so knowledgable. But most of them don't have a clue...only that wife does. Too many of these types of brothers treat their wives like doormats that's why the kufaar think that way. They see it when the go out. I remember once when we were at the store my sister and I saw this arab in shorts and a t shirt and his wife covered up from head to toe in niqab and a burqa!!! I understand those who choose to do that but this guy was ridiculous even yelling at her in the store. it was a 100 degrees outside. you can tell she was uncomfortable. Also too many of the sisters i know their husbands tell them yeah you can go to school then like you said after marriage it;s a different story...the tables turn. most men as well dont want their wives going to school and then treat them like they are stupid. and these brothere are the salafi ones we knew back in the states. then they want to go and get a second on eat that.to make her life hell as well? I don't blame sisters when they feel like they don't want to be in a polygamous marriage either... i totaly agree with Muslim Gal on that point.

Salaams, I know I am late in entering this conversation. But in the US, it is not only Salafis. Polygyny is really common among African American brothers and in the African American Muslim community. Immigrant Muslims, who are often affluent in the US, are often more concerned with assimilating. But I have heard of some white American converts married to Arab men who have wives back in their homeland. And I have seen all sorts of serial marriages. When I was married, there were women who are interested in my husband (black and mid-Eastern). I had a clause that said that he needed to get my permission, and he spent the good part of the first two years of our marriage trying to convince me into such an arrangement. I finally got tired of it and just wanted him to get someone else so I could bail out. Sigh...I'm tired of brothers trying to abuse Islamic law for their own selfish purposed. Many don't even support their wives. It is such a shame. But Allah is the best of Judges and in the end they will have to face their Maker.